Black Swan
by Hate being abducted by aliens
Summary: Based on "Black Swan" movie, this story takes place during Season 4th, right after "Never Again". Scully has a weird dream, tries to deal with some old feelings and the release of her antagonistic personality.
1. The craziest dream

**Title:** Black Swan

**Author's note:** Hello everyone! I'm an X-Files fanfiction reader for quite a time and I just thought that would be wonderful to try some writing for a change. I have always had so many ideas, but I keep thinking that they are not good enough. So, I decided to unleash one small part of my imagination and see how it goes.

I grew up watching X-files. When it started, I was only a little a girl, about 6 years old, and I used to watch it with my daddy. Even though he stopped watching it (he is not a fan of aliens and this stuff), I became a HUGE fan. When X-files ended, I was about 15 years old, and I was nearly devastated. Now I'm a grown up young woman and about a month ago I bought to myself the amazing X-files: The Complete Collector's Edition, and yes, my addiction has returned...LOL. I always thought about some many stories concerning X-files, Mulder and Scully precisely. I think that they are the greatest TV couple ever! And all of the new TV series are based on them, but of course, they can't beat them.

This is my very first time in this fanfiction world, so pleaseee be very very gentle! ; )

**Disclaimer:** Blah blah blah, I do not own X-Files, obviously.

**Warning:** I must say that I'm not a native English speaker, though I really love the language. I'm Brazilian actually, so please don't be too harsh on my grammar/vocabulary mistakes. I do appreciate corrections or english tips.

Here I go...

* * *

Everything was bright white.

She blinked once again and could realize that she was walking on a ground completely covered with snow. Her feet were bare, though she could not feel the cold at all. She just kept walking through the unrecognizable place. There was a sepulchral silence.

She noticed that she was wearing only a white satin nightdress, very light. Her skin was a little more pale than the usual. She kept walking until she saw herself reflected in what appeared to be some kind of mirror, a huge one, over the horizon. "A mirror in the middle of nowhere?" ,she thought. She couldn't help to notice that she was extremely beautiful, her blue sky eyes shinning like they were made of pure glass, her lips soft pink and her skin glowing pale as if she was some kind of delicate porcelain doll. Her hair seemed slightly different, it wasn't completely red but a little more natural, almost blond, her original hair color.

Even though there seemed to be some awkward details, she knew that it was her true image reflected in the mirror, she knew that she was looking at herself.

She touched her face, just trying to get familiar with this look and it surprisingly felt like touching smooth and cold porcelain. It was very weird, she couldn't feel nothing at all, like she had turned herself into a real doll.

She closed her eyes for a second and when she had the guts to open them again, there was another image reflected in the mirror. Actually it wasn't reflected, it seemed to be in the other side of the mirror. The image was from a man and he was walking towards her. Somehow, she recognized that familiar silhouette. As he approached her, she could realize that he was very handsome and didn't look like porcelain made as her. He was human indeed. It was Mulder! She felt happy, maybe he was there to rescue her from that strange place.

He had a different smile in his face, a peaceful one but also mysterious. When he finally stood in front of her, he raised his hand and touched her face very carefully, like he was afraid of breaking her, it seemed that the mirror layer had disappeared. This time, she felt the touch, his touch, like electricity, such a delightful electricity. She tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. Her lips were sealed, just like a doll ones.

He didn't say anything either, not a single word, not even her name. He just came very close to her face and leaned down to kiss her doll lips.

She was feeling insecure and frightened with the whole situation, though she couldn't stop him, now she couldn't move at all. Deep inside she knew that all of that was a dream, but it was a very special moment. She has secretly wanted that kiss for such a long time.

Besides the numbness, the kiss felted very real and when he broke away he said almost whispering into her right ear: "You're such a good girl".

She was frozen, it wasn't Mulder's voice, it was her father. Actually, this is what her dad used to tell her all the time: "You're such a good girl". She didn't like that, in fact she hated when he said that horrible thing, because it had repressed her so many times. He was always in control, in her control.

Mulder turned away and began to move away from her. She tried to scream his name or make any move, but then she started to shatter, just like a porcelain doll when it hits solid ground, it didn't hurt. Her pieces where falling everywhere and when she thought it was finally over, among her fallen pieces, a white swan raised. A beautiful and a very fragile one. She could still feel herself, though now she was something else. She could still see her reflection in the mirror, now as a swan, but she also was seeing Mulder and some dark figure coming close to him. She was terrified. The dark figure was...was her, at least looked just like her. She was wearing a short black satin nightdress, her skin was pale but it didn't look like porcelain anymore, she was human, as him. Her hair was intense red and her eyes dark blue, no longer glass eyes. She was beautiful, not in some untouched way. She had that sexy and wild expression in her face. She walked towards him and kissed Mulder very passionately, almost attacking him. He responded to that act. As they were kissing, she could notice her snake tattoo in her back, it seemed alive. This image stared to spin, they were becoming one, until they vanished away.

Her heart was aching like never before, that mix of feelings - hurt, jealous, anger – were taking over her, she wanted to cry. That woman wasn't her, she wasn't the right girl, though he loved and desired this other girl, which just happened to look exactly like her. The swan suddenly turned into herself again, but she wasn't that old porcelain doll, she was still wearing the white satin nightdress, and when she looked again to the mirror there was a small red point in her stomach, which was growing, growing, growing, until her nightdress was completely red. The blood started to drop into the white ground. She didn't know where that blood was coming from. When she finally looked to her right hand, there it was a huge piece of mirror containing her blood. Now she could feel the pain. She looked again to the mirror, it was shattering and the pieces falling in slow motion towards her. That awful noise and then, the real truth, she...she had killed herself.

* * *

She woke up in her bed, breathing heavily, gasping desperately for some air. Her heart was beating fast.

"Thanks God! It was just a nightmare", she thought in relief.

It was her first night in her apartment after leaving the hospital, right after that Ed Jersey incident. She knew that she was until under some medicine effects and she was feeling a little stressed out these days. She could feel the wounds caused by him, they were healing but they were still a little sore. She remembered being very angry with Mulder too. Of course he supported her when she was in hospital after the past week events, though he was acting in very insensitive way.

"Or Am I being too sensitive?", she thought to herself. It was easier to blame herself for everything, she was used with that than to admit everybody's else flaws.

Somehow, her new tattoo was hurting now, burning actually, so she stepped out from the bed and walked towards her mirror. That made she remember from her strange dream, though she tried to focus in the tattoo issue. When she turned her back, she could see it, the snake circle, the snake eating its own tail. Obviously she was out of her mind when she did it, a little drunk indeed. She hated snakes, they represented the evil, but the tattoo was kind of powerful in some way. After analyzing it for some minutes, she couldn't find anything that would explain the pain, no blood or irritation sign.

Even tough she had never wanted a tattoo, especially a snake one, she knew that single act has freed her somehow.

She knew something inside of her has changed. She has changed.

* * *

**Author's note:** I would be very very pleased if someone could just try to read and review it. This is the very first chapter, I'm working on the others. I thought about it after watching "Black Swan" in the movies, which just happened to be one of the most amazing films that I have ever watched. I think I have never watched a film that touched me so deeply. So I came out with the idea of mix the movie with the X-Files. I think that Scully has a little "Nina's personality" sometimes.

Thank you in advance! xoxo


	2. Lose yourself

**Author's note: **Chapter 2 now available. Please, excuse my grammar mistakes from the previous chapter and from this one in advance. I'm really trying my best.

If there's anyone reading this story, reviews are more than welcome.

* * *

She stopped in front of their office's door and was able to observe his name written in the nameplate. "Fox Mulder", she gave a half smile and took a deep breath, like trying to find any courage to walk into that room.

Even after four years of partnership she couldn't find any single trade in that room which indicated that she also worked there. No nameplate, nothing at all. Both of them were FBI special agents, they had the same superior Walter Skinner, although it seemed that Mulder was her sub boss and she was merely an employee.

When she finally opened the door, Mulder walked right behind her.

"Welcome back. You look a lot better than you did in the hospital. And congratulations for making a personal appearance in the X Files for the second time", he said it in a very sarcastic way.

"_What a sensitivity!"_ I think to myself trying my best to just ignore his uninvited words.

He gets the file from the cabinet and returns to speak "It's a world's record. Ed Jerse is in custody at the St. John's burn facility in Philadelphia. Traces of ergot were found in his bloodstream as in yours, but not to the degree that should cause hallucinogenic ergotism."

I still remain in silence, sitting myself in front of him. This might be a long conversation.

He continues, "He'll undergo psychiatric evaluation after recovering from burn trauma. Comrade Svo has been shut down, he was under investigation for having connections to my friend Pudovkin. Case closed on Boris Badenov, which is really a shame because I was thinking of having an "N.Y." tattooed on my ass to commemorate the Yankees' World Series victory. Better late than never, huh."

"_Now he is making tattoo jokes. How thoughtful!"._ It seems that he is really making an effort to get on my nerves.

I can feel my heart beating faster but I just keep avoiding him, so I pick up the rose petal from his desk.

I know that he is starring at me, waiting for any reaction. Then, he concentrates in a new subject "The uh, field office in Dallas is uh…receiving reports of the image of a missing child appearing on a blank billboard outside of Arlington".

I know that he is desperately to get my attention, so he sits back in his desk and says:

"So... all this, because I've...because I didn't get you a desk?"

I raise my face and dare to look into his eyes: "Not everything is about you, Mulder".

By that point, I was more than just upset with him, I was deeply angry. Enough is enough.

"Yes, but it's m.." he tries to reply what I just said, but now I keep looking at him questioningly. There's this awkward silence in the room and I finally decide to break it.

"It's what, Mulder? Since I got here today you have been acting as an insensitive asswhole, joking about what happened to me. What the hell is your problem?", I said yelling at him.

"This is definitely an X Files. So now you do tattoos, sleeps with bad boys and also swear at me, Scully? Really? Where's that polite catholic girl?", he says it with an anger tone.

I immediately get up from the chair, placing firmly my hands on his desk.

"Well, she's gone Mulder, long gone! You know…I'm just fed up with this kind of life. I hate being someone else's shadow all the freaking time. I…I really don't know what do you want from me. I have lost almost everything, my sister, my health, my mind, myself and you still don't know me at all. Are you really this selfish?"

He is looking very deeply into my eyes, almost like trying to figure me out and returns to speak, this time very carefully: "Do you really think that you're my shadow? Do you really think that low from you?"

"Just...just shut your mouth up for like 2 seconds. Don't try to analyze me with your bullshit psychology!" I said it in a very threatening way, pointing my finger right to his face.

"Since I know myself I've been trying to be so damn perfect, from a sweet catholic little girl to a sickly perfect teenager and to a tough FBI agent. I've never had time to just enjoy the moments, when I try to do something different I just think that it is way too wrong or it's a sin, and then I just back away. I've never dared to lose myself, because there have always been someone to repress me. That's why I turned myself into this ice queen, afraid of showing my real feelings. And…I just thought that after all these years with you I was actually living, that this was the right path for me and that besides our differences you were a real friend, someone I could trust. But you're not and I'm fooling myself once again, you are always wanting something from me, just like everybody else. Just like my father, Bill, my mom, Skinner...everyone. You expect me to be rational, that my scientific knowledge will help you to solve paranormal events, but at the same time, you are always forcing me to simply believe in you truth and when I try to tell you what I think, you just don't listen at all, sometimes you pretend to, but you don't. And it sucks!" I'm trembling right now.

"Take a look around…do you see anything with my name in this room? No! Because this is all about you! This is your sacred little office, your life's work. I…I just don't exist. I'm your puppet doll." This time lost completely my temper and threw some things that were placed in his desk to the ground.

She vomited everything that was suffocating her for so many years, she didn't care if her words would hurt him, she just needed to be free.

"It's funny you know. I have never dared to confront anyone, afraid of disappointing or hurting people's feeling. But since I'm dying anyway, I don't have to worry about it, do I?".

"Please Scully, calm down! You're not dying, you'll be just fine". He stood up from his desk and tried to settle things down.

"I'm…I'm sorry, please. I didn't mean to be disrespectful." He said trying to apologize.

"Believe in anything that you want, in your truth, in your lies, but here's MY truth: I have terminal cancer, I'm dying and there's anything you can do about it".

He could see the tears streaming down my face.

"I'm taking this day off", I said wiping my face and looking away. "Please, just leave me alone today, ok?"

He didn't say anything, instead he stood there glancing at me.

As I walked away, I could feel my tattoo aching so bad but it didn't stop me. Actually, I remembered that it started to ache when I was arguing with him.

Something was wrong, though the feeling of freedom was amazing.


	3. It's my turn

**Author's note:** Hey everyone! Yes...I won't give up on writing this story, but I promise that I do have a point. This chapter was kind of hard, beause I had to describe the events exactly how I imagined them. I'm also trying to review the previous chapters, grammar mistakes mostly, and some other details.

Thanks to everyone that is actually reading this, and please, any review or new ideas would be just wonderful so that I can improve this story. I'm almost finishing Chapter 4 too!

; )

* * *

**Chapter 3**

She was finally home. She was safe.

She went directly towards the kitchen to get some water.

On her way home, she had plenty time to think about the morning events. Deep inside, she knew she had taken herself over the edge, spit the words that were smothering her for so many years.

But she couldn't blame herself, some of that rebellious behavior was due to the fact that she was seriously sick, an inoperable cancer, which was slowly taking her life away, each piece of everything that she once was. It wasn't fair, she was only 33 years old, she had studied her whole life, had worked really hard to reach something that she didn't even know, but what about the other things, the important ones? She was alone, lonely as she thought she could never be. And that's true, you come to this world and you go out just the same. If you're really luck, you will get to know yourself, your true personality, you will find your real path, your mission and will try to make the best of it, otherwise, you're just passing by.

She also knew that her behavior had shocked Mulder and maybe had hurt him in several ways. Though there wasn't any other way of making him listen to her, of making him actually notice her. He was very selfish and stubborn sometimes, he had to wake up to the fact that he and his insane search for the truth weren't the center of the Universe all the freaking time. _What is this damn truth anyway? The existence of little green, or gray, or pink or whatever color men, or some human conspiracy? A bunch of idiots who haven't found anything better to do with their lives and just decided to play "God" with honest and innocent people's life._ _Here's the real truth: human sucks! _

She was able to realize that maybe Mulder had more influence under her than she had ever noticed. Perhaps she was realizing that she had strong feelings for him, friendship at least, admiration definitely, even though she hated him sometimes, like she did in these past few days, but, you know, hate comes very close to love.

Now it was very clear to her that his stubborn way, his incessant and passionate pursuit for the truth had caught her attention since the day she was assigned to work with him, or spy on him in the first place. He was everything that she have ever wanted to be, and his strong personality made she follow him blindly through his journey. Even though that wasn't exactly the path that she would have chosen for herself. She cared for him, maybe much more than she would even admit for herself.

In that anger and sad moment, she could only think about the bad things, the ones that she had lost forever, specially her beloved sister, her still inexplicable abduction, her ability of give birth and now, her own life. The bad moments seems to erase the good ones. Now she was having second thoughts about her parent's will concerning her FBI career. She knew that her choice was one way of rebelling against them. She wanted to be a strong, a powerful woman, she wanted to protect and defend the innocent ones, so she could protect herself.

She was pretty sure that Mulder was her friend, in his own selfish way, she couldn't deny the fact that he had saved her life several times before, that as the same time he could be rude or mean or arrogant, he could be also sweet, gentle and caring. His today's morning behavior was totally weird, unacceptable, and she really wanted to understand why.

The fact was that she had reached a point of no return, nothing else to lose.

She took a deep breath and rested the water glass by the sink.

Even though it was passed lunch time, she wasn't feeling hungry at all. But a little bit of alcohol (or more than a little bit) wouldn't make things worse than they already were. On the contrary, it would probably make her relax.

"_Oh boy, __I seriously need a drink"._ She thought to herself.

She went through her kitchen's cabinets and finally found what she was looking for, a brand new sealed "Black Label" bottle. She had won it from her cousin in the last Christmas. At that time she remembered about thinking: "Oh my God, just because I'm single and a FBI agent it doesn't mean that I'm an alcoholic". She didn't like the undercover meaning of the gift at the time, but appreciated it anyway. It would be useful sometime, like it was right now.

She didn't think that drinking was the answer for all the problems and definitely she wasn't used to drink frequently, but occasionally it was an acceptable and pleasant habit. She was more into wine, one or two glasses by the end of the day, rough days specially. Though she also secretly enjoyed whisky, it was strong, refined and had an amazing scent. She didn't appreciate sweet alcohol drinks, the famous "chick drinks". It wasn't her style.

"Yes! I found you! Hello Mr. Johnnie! Long time we don't see each other, huh?" She said it out loud, joking a little bit.

She got herself a glass containing ice rocks in her right hand and the whisky bottle in the other one, as she headed towards her bedroom.

She realized that by that time the tattoo wasn't hurting anymore. But as being a doctor, checking upon injuries, even the ones in her own body, was a more than usual habit so she thought that it was worth to take a good look to it.

By now she regretted even more that stupid tattoo. _"Mulder was probably right about making fun of it". _

"_Oops, I did Mulder's thinking again", _still thinking to herself.

She put the glass and the whisky bottle on her dresser and started to undress.

First her shoes, her socks, pants and then she stood there only in her white shirt, starring curiously at the mirror. As she unbuttoned her shirt, she glanced at her small body, her bared legs. She knew the she was a beautiful woman, that she could have the attention of any one, of any man. Then why did she felt so fragile, so unwanted, so damn invisible. She turned her back to the mirror but remained facing her refection. She rolled her eyes down and could see a small blood stain in her white shirt, right above the tattoo's area.

More than quickly she got rid of her shirt so she was free to analyze to it. For her surprise, there wasn't any traces of blood, there wasn't even any wound or cut that could explain the blood.

"_Weird, maybe this is part of the healing process"_

"_Well, since it has been a long and horrible day, I really need a longstanding bathtub shower". _

She went through her bathroom and started to set everything for her relaxing / melancholy moment.

First, she placed the whisky bottle and the glass right by the bathtub side. She actually poured a generous whisky dose to the glass and instantly took a long sip from it.

"_Ow, this is nice"_

Then she opened up one of the drawers and grabbed a few scented candles. They would probably bring a peace to her ritual.

She turned on the bathtub faucet and added a good amount of her new "Lather Me With Love" from Victoria's Secret, which was shimmer shower gel and also bubble bath. _"Hum…perfect scent!"_

Although she was a tough FBI agent, a badass scientist, she also enjoyed these little female things. She was a little bit vain, not in a pathological and compulsive way, still she couldn't help herself from buying some useless though pleasant girly items, such as bath and cosmetic products and some clothing too.

She tested the water temperature. _"Perfect!"_ and walked back to her bedroom to grab some panties and a night robe.

She opened one of her dresser drawers and got black panties, extremely sexy V-string style, very different from the ones that she used for working, the comfortable ones.

Next, she headed to one of her wardrobe's door, and had eyes fixed in one item. A black satin night robe, also from her latest Victoria's Secret store visit. The color and the fabric reminded her from her last night dream. But she didn't care. Even though the sexy panties plus the black night robe seemed to be projected to be used in some romantic and intimate occasion between two people (or more than two, concerning the increase of sex deliberation nowadays, which she thought that was degrading at least). She didn't care because it was a special moment for her, she didn't know when she would able to use it with someone (of course she had someone in her mind, the M word, despite her momentary deception). But her secret desire seemed way too unreal, considering their huge fight and his disrespectful behavior. Since she didn't have much time in her life, why not just try to enjoy and stay beautiful for herself and herself only.

One of the greatest female's pleasure is just to feel beautiful, not only for a boyfriend, or husband or for some jealous girlfriends, but a nice outfit, a great fragrance and a pinch of makeup are our secret ingredients when the world just tries to hide our beauty and when we need a over dose of self esteem.

She grabbed both night robe and panties and put them on her bed. Then she got back to her bathroom. By this time the bathtub was already full filled with an amazing scented foam above it. The candle lights were shining, complementing the mysterious environment.

There was just one thing missing. Music!

"_I think some music would be wonderful to match my depressed and alcoholic moment__."_

Obviously, she didn't want something cheerful, but any music which was able to fit that moment.

So she pressed the play button in her bathroom CD player. It was playing "Mad World", but it wasn't Tears for Fears version, it was a slowly and sadder one, though extremely beautiful indeed.

She stopped and listened to the overture for a while. She appreciated very much that song, specially its lyrics. She had listened to that song since she was a teenager. And somehow, those lyrics meant a lot for her. Then, the lyrics started.

_All around me are familiar faces  
worn out places, worn out faces  
Bright and early for the daily races  
Going nowhere, going nowhere  
Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression, no expression  
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow, no tomorrow_

As she listened to the first verse, she got rid from her panties and bra, trowing them into the laundry box.

She stepped carefully into her bathtub. It was like reaching the nirvana, or heaven, as she was a catholic female.

She took another deep sip from her whisky glass and continued to listen.

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very very, mad world, mad world_

Those lyrics now made more sense than ever, they were the exact description of her own feelings. Feelings hiden very deep inside.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday  
And I feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen, sit and listen  
Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me, no one knew me  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me, look right through me_

After another heavy sip, finishing completely her double whisky dose, she allowed herself to completely slip under the water. It felt comfortable and warm. She could still listen to the song, though it seemed so very far away, she couldn't barely listen to the lyrics.

_And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very very, mad world, mad world  
Enlarge your world, mad world_

She was slowing falling asleep under de water. The sounds getting more and more silenced. She was getting into some kind of trance. Feeling increasingly lighter.

She was somewhere else now.

As she opened her eyes she found herself lying inside of something.

Then she took a good look the whole situation. She realized that she was lying inside of some coffin, her coffin. Her body was covered with flowers. That awful smell, she hated it, flowers smelled like death.

She started to panic. She couldn't move at all or feel anything, despite fear. She also realized that she wasn't able to breathe, there were cotton pieces in her nostrils. And her lips..her lips seemed to be sewn from the inside, a regular _post mortem_ procedure.

By that point she was aware that she was dead, it was her funeral.

Even though she wasn't able of moving or talking, she could still listen and think.

She was really terrified, more that she had ever been.

She couldn't even feel her heart beat.

"_Oh my God, I can't be dead. This is not happening"._

She felt someone approaching her coffin. It was her mother and her brother Bill. Her mom was helpless, crying her eyes out, and seemed to be severely sedated, while Bill, was crying shyly, making a real effort to pull himself together so that he would be able to support their mother.

They stood there for a while, just glancing at her.

Her mom finally had the guts to touch her hands and then caress her delicate face

"Why? Why, my sweet child?", she couldn't even finish her strange quest.

"_Mom? Bill? I'm not dead…this is, this is all pretend. Help me!"_ She tried to talk, but the words wouldn't obviously come out, her lips were sealed. She was dead and like all the deads, they don't have any rights to speak or to do anything else.

Bill quickly took her away from the coffin.

Her heart was broken. That scene was unbearable.

She was so frightened, she wanted to cry, but she didn't even have tears. Everything was taken away for her. And that was being dead really mean.

As they backed away, someone else came to see her. It was Mulder.

"_Mulder! Please, I know I seem __to be dead but I'm not. You have to believe me! This is probably one more X Files. I know, now for the third time, a new record."_

He seemed pretty bad, red, wet and hopeless eyes. He kissed gently her forehead and whispered into her ear: "Why did you do this to yourself, Scully. If only you knew how much you were important to me. I miss you desperately".

She was frozen (obviously, she was dead), her soul was frozen.

What did happen? Which was her death cause?

They seemed to believe that she had killed herself.

"_Why would I do such a thing?"_

Her latest dream came across her mind once again.

Someone else approached her coffin.

Now its presence gave her goose bumps.

It was lady in dark, wearing a black veil which completely covered her face.

She looked like some haunt, the death itself. Just her presence was threatening.

Then the lady slowly lifted the veil, revealing her real face.

She was in shock. It…it was her. The dark lady looked exactly like her. Though, wearing a darker make up and a classy black lace dress.

She was staring intently at her. Then she gave a sexy evil smile as she approached her.

She whispered into her ear: "It's my turn, sweet girl!"

That "sweet girl" echoed in her head, several times, turning into a madly sound.

"Noooo!", she yelled really loud as she emerged from the water, gasping for some air. She bumped her left hand in the glass and whisky bottle that were resting right by the bathtub side. That sound of breaking glass made her feel even more frightened.

"_Oh my God, these nightmares are definitely going to kill me"._

She tried to calm herself down, breathing slowing so that she could stop trembling. She also noticed that the music had stopped, remaining only an empty silence.

When she was ready, she stepped out from the bathtub, trying hard to not step into the glass pieces, though it was very hard considering that they were all over her bathroom. She felt a small sting in her feet.

"Ouch! Shit".

But she grabbed a towel and kept walking towards her bedroom.

She had left the bedroom lights on, so she quickly sat in her bed and went to check her foot. There was a small piece of glass craved on it. She carefully removed it.

"_What's going on with me?" _

She got up from the bed and started to dry herself with the towel. Went to her dresser grabbed her moisturizing cream and started to spread it all over her half wet body. Then she got into her panties that were resting in her bed and finally wore her night robe, tying it around her waist.

"_I __should probably clean that mess". _

She looked to the window and realized that it was already night.

When she passed in front of the mirror, she felt something strange with her image. It didn't follow her moves, her image was still.

"_Weird. I think that damn tattoo might have some opioid too"_.

She stopped and glanced to the mirror.

It seemed to real a clone of her own. Same clothes, same wet red hair, same face…except that even though she moved herself, the image remained still.

"_God! I'm hallucinating_"

Then, the image started to walk towards her. She couldn't move at all, she was in real shock.

Then, the image jumped from the mirror trying to grab her.

"Ahh..let go of me!", she yelled.

It started a real fight, though a fight with herself or her other self. Her image suddenly grabbed her neck and started to choke her, very strongly.

"Stop it! Who are you?"

No answer.

So with all the strength that was locked inside of her, she pushed the image towards the mirror. It shattered instantly.

But the fight wasn't over yet. She grabbed a mirror piece from the ground and stabbed the image right in the stomach.

"It's your turn now", those were her image last words and she just disappeared.

She was feeling very dizzy, everything was spinning, spinning, and then… she fainted.


	4. Power, seduction, cries

**Chapter 4**

**Author's note: **Chapter 4 now on! My real thanks to the ones that are reading and reviewing it! I'm really making and effort with this.

; )

* * *

She could hear a heavy noise. It took her a while to recognize that it was actually a knock at her door.

She was still afraid from the dream or hallucination that she just had, it felt so real. Then, she dared to open her eyes.

Everything was so confusing, Somehow, those feelings were familiar, she have felt them in so many moments of her life and specially, they made her remember from her latest nightmare.

She noticed that was lying in the ground, in her bedroom, right in front of the mirror.

She blinked once again and as she raised herself up she could see that the mirror was almost completely shattered, with a million of pieces spread on the ground, though there seemed to be no wounds in her body. She wasn't feeling any pain.

So she finally got up and was able to see her image reflected in one small part of the broken mirror, not entirely sure of what had jut happened. She was still wearing her black satin robe, but its tie was loosed, showing some parts of her body. Nothing else seemed to be changed.

She heard once again the knock and her name: "Scuuuleyyy".

It was him, Mulder.

She closes her eyes again, taking a good breath, focusing herself.

As she opened them again, she was able to see in that single mirror shatter that her eyes turned into red. Though it didn't bother her, now she was feeling different.

She was feeling powerful intense as she left her bedroom, shutting the lights of, walking slowly towards her apartment's door.

It seemed a long way to the door. Still alone, she looked at her arms, black spots trying to push through her pale skin.

Suddenly, shiny black feathers seemed to be growing from those little black spots.

She could only watch and accept her transformation, it didn't disturb her at all.

As she approached the door, more black feathers burst out from her arms, shoulders and back, like she was gaining real black swan wings.

She was a real black swan, a powerful, lustful and imposing one.

Then, Mulder burst desperately into her appartment's door. He had her keys copy.

Obviously, he could not see her transformation. It wasn't physical.

"Oh my God, Scully! Are you OK?" He seemed very relieved to just look at her, grabbing her shoulders.

She stopped him with a sudden and warm kiss right into his mouth. The kind of kiss that can't be stopped, like an animal attack.

"Yeah…yeah, I think I just fell asleep. Sorry". She said moving a little bit away from him.

Obviously he was more than surprised, in real shock.

"What..what was that, Scully? Are you feeling good?" As he asked her confusedly she could notice that he was looking all over her body, since she was wearing just the night robe and panties. He seemed to be enjoying the view. Lust was also taking him over, she was taking him over.

"Never better." She gave him a sexy smile.

Still not quite sure of what was really going on, he tried to speak: "You know, Scully. I know that you said that you wanted me to leave you alone today, but I really wanted you know that I'm terribly sorry for my behavior in the morning. You are right, sometimes I am really a selfish bastard, but I was feeling angry with you just because…"

She didn't let him finish his speech, instead she placed her finger in his mouth. "Shhh…Don't worry about it. We both know the reason why you are here."

"Do we?" he said curiously.

"Yes…we do, mister." She stepped back and said to him in a very sensual tone, as challenging him:

"Well, this morning you just joked around about my new tattoo, but have you already checked it out before mocking it?"

He couldn't believe her words, her behavior, he couldn't speak or move at all.

"I thought so". So she turned her back at him, and let her robe slip down to her waist, so he was able to look to her completely bared back and the snake tattoo.

She knew that he was frozen, in deep shock, and she was enjoying that moment. So she turned her face just to look at him, observe his reaction.

"So, what do you think? It's a snake eating its own tail. It's kind of cool, don't you think?" I said looking down to the tattoo.

"It's…uh…uh…perfect!" He said with a shaking voice. The words wouldn't come out.

"You know, even good catholic girls can handle snakes." She was actually seducing him.

She decided then to break his silence:

"Enough strip show now", she said pulling her robe back. "If you want a little more, just follow me then".

"Scully…this is definitely not you. Have you taken anything?"

"I'm trying something new, Fox. Can't you handle this?" It was so great to see him cornered.

"Yeah…I know that you're trying something really different. But, are you sure about this?"

"I'm pretty sure! What? Are you afraid?" daring him once again.

He couldn't say anything, he seemed pretty much hypnotized and then she just grabbed his left hand and said:

"Follow me…I won't bite you or anything. I mean, only if you want me to", teasing a little bit.

They went through the dark corridor towards her dark room.

"Why is it so dark, Scully?", she could feel a small pinch of fear in his words.

"I think it brings a certain mystery to the moment, don't you think? And mystery is your thing, isn't it Spooky Mulder?"

When they finally got into her room, despite the darkness, he was able to notice only the moon light shining through the window, illuminating the mirror shatters that remained in the ground.

"Scully, what the hell just happened here? Are you hurt?" he seemed worried and tried to reach for the lights switch.

"Don't! I want the lights off. I'm ok, great actually…this was just an accident, you know how clumsy I am sometimes", she had a point.

She came very close to him and placed her hands in his neck, very gently.

"Don't worry about it…I'm just fine. Stop worrying so much, I'm a big girl". So I silenced him with a very passionately kiss.

He grabbed her waist heavily, bringing her even closer to his body. He left a small moan escape. She did the same.

Then he pushed her to the bed as she started to undress him. It was a deliberating moment, for both of them. It seemed wildly natural.

She took his shirt off, touching his warm muscles.

He said: "Scully, It's too dark in here, I wanna see you".

"I wanna feel you" Then she pushed him harder to her body, but she felt a huge pain in her stomach. Though, she didn't stop kissing him.

The pain grew harder, and she escaped a real "Ouch!".

"What? Did I hurt you?" When he touched my belly, he could feel something wet above my night robe, in his hand and in his stomach.

He quickly moved from the bed and reached the switch so that he could turn the lights on.

When he looked down at her, there was a good amount of blood flowing from her belly. His hands and abdomen were also filled with red blood. Her blood.

"Oh my God, Scully! What happened?" He sound desperate while he came back to analyze her wound.

Now she was able to remember everything, both nightmares, her latest hallucination, the shattered mirror and her..her death. She couldn't deny the fact that she had killed herself. By killing her antagonistic personality, she had killed herself.

"Mulder, help me! It's hurting really bad." She started to panic.

He untied her night robe, exposing her beautiful body and removed very carefully the huge mirror piece that was craved inside her stomach. It hurt like hell.

"Ahhh". She agonized in pain while the bleed became more and more incessant, even though he was making an effort to stanch it.

He was terrified, she could see that in his eyes.

"Scully, I'm going to call 911. Try to stay calm, please".

"Wait!" she said screaming.

He came close.

"You know…I had the craziest dream last night about a girl that turned into a swan, but her prince falls for the wrong girl and she kills herself".

"What does it mean, Scully?" He looked pretty much confused.

"I...I felt it, real perfection, freedom, wildness, passion. It was perfect..I was perfect", she was becoming increasingly weak, though there was a smile frozen in her face.

She started to feel different once again, the pain was going away, his voice sounding very far away from her, she was losing her sense.

She blanked out.


	5. Night of terror

**Author's note: **Hey everyone! I know it has been a while since my last update, I'm very sorry about that! But, I had this awful creative block, and I'm still not quite sure if this new chapter is a good one. Probably not, anyways...This chapter is short, and it is sort of a Mulder's POV concerning the last night events and his true feelings for Scully. It's kind of sad, be warned!

Thank you "XFoxMuldersGirlX (Lauren)" for your support and suggestions!

I'll be extremely happy if any of you could read it and maybe, if it's worthy, review it.

Tks!

* * *

He could breath again, she was safe, alive at least.

Still standing in her hospital room door, he was starring at Scully while the nurse finished adjusting the medical devices.

Then, she walked towards him, he heard she saying: "She'll be just fine. She is sedated now and receiving some blood. Let me know if she wakes up, ok?".

He just nodded.

There was a couch in the room, where he could take a nap, try to rest a little bit, instead, he took a single chair and placed it right by her bedside.

He still couldn't believe in what had just happened. He was in real shock after that terrible night of terror.

Everything seemed way too untrue, even after all of the weird creatures that they had faced, this event was, so far, the scarriest one.

The scarriest because it may have a scientific explanation, it wasn't a paranormal event, it was real life, real human suffering.

There wasn't anything else that he could do, besides watching her sleeping. He should protect her, now from herself.

There's something really interesting and curious about the silence, it doesn't silence our thoughts, it reveals the truth, actually screams it. Words just confuse ourselves and the others. Though, in the silence, there's no pretending at all.

He couldn't help but feeling sad and completely empty. He had always felt so brave, but dealing with his own feelings was something that he couldn't stand or allow himself to. Feelings weaken us.

The truth is that he liked her more than he was supposed to. The hell...he loved her, not in some friendly or partnership way, it was pure romantic love. The kind of cowards desperately try to avoid. Maybe she felt the same way...she was the only one that always stood by his side, no matter what. How couldn't this be love?

Also, he was feeling guilty. He disrespected her, took her feelings for granted, laughed at her the morning before. Once again, it was his own selfish way of hiding his true feelings, it was his self defense weapon, by shooting the other one. He was jealous, jealous that she had a date, that she had slept with some stranger, and most of all, that she was finding that being with him, chasing weird creatures in the dark, wasn't that interesting after all, that it wasn't what she really wanted for her life. He would be alone..again, as usual.

Even not saying it out loud, he enjoyed having her around him. He secretly wished he could just keep her for himself, in a very selfish way.

He grabbed gently her right hand, never taking his eyes of her.

Now a different feeling was taking him over. He wanted to understand her, to feel what she felt.

What is like to find out that our lives has an expiration date? And that in the end, nothing really matters. Everything that you are, were once or would be are predestined to just disapperar. What it feels like noticing that your life reached to the end, and you haven't done half of the things you planned or wished? What is like to feel the death extremely close to you, and not be able to keep her away? To fight and just deceive her?

He couldn't help to think that he also had a share of blame on her sickness, her cancer, her expiration date. All of this because of his incessant search for the truth, for his sister. Instead, all that he could ever found were lies, and pain.

Even though, what exactly makes a person decide to take her life away? Give up on everything, the lack of hope, the loneliness? To realize that you don't have anyone standing by your side? He feared that answer.

And there's this huge gap between an inocent intetion and real action. When does suicide really overcome the borderline between plan and action?

How come he had never heard her cries for help? The signs. How far do we think we know someone? The truth is that we don't.

Everything happened so fast that night. He remembered the sequence of the events: seduction, urgent kisses, desperate touches, and then blood, alive and eternal blood, and...cries.

He felt his eyes filling up with tears too. There was this unbearable pressure in his heart and mind.

"What did you do to yourself, Scully?" He said almost whispering and then, lowered his head next to her arm, crying silently.

_"Out on your own_

_Cold and alone, again_

_Can this be what you really wanted, baby?_

_Blame it on me,_

_Set your guilt free_

_Nothing can hold you back now_

_I can't change who I am_

_Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me_

_And in this short life_

_There's no time to waste on giving up_

_My love wasn't enough..."_

**_(Lacrymosa - Evanescence)_**

**_"Lacrimosa dies illa. Amen."_**

* * *

**Author's note (again):** So...I though that "Lacrymosa" from Evanescence really fit the moment.

Maybe it's better for me to say, or just reaffirm, that I totally do not own "The X-Files" neither any song from Evanescence, ok?

Tks again! : )


	6. When Death gives you a second chance

**Author's note:** Ok, here's something that I don't know exactly how to define, I just thought about it. At least when I wrote it, it made sense and it's suitable with the story. Though, is it necessary to complete the story? Probably not, maybe I'm just trying to avoid its ending or buying time so that I could think about something better. But I do promise that I have a point.

I named this chapter as "When Death gives you a second chance...", and maybe you'll understand why. The next one, and probably the last one, will be "...You'd better take it".

It scks! I know! Don't be too harshy, please! I'm just having this trashy creative moment. Better out than in, that's why I'm here anyway.

* * *

Hello sleeping black swan

What do you hope finding here?

Answers?

Will beauty remain after you're gone?

Will you ever be self-indulgence free?

Will your heart and soul be instantly repaired?

Drink up the death poison, and I'll let you know

Or

Drink up the life poison and find it on your own

It's up to you

Time is ticking out

Everyone is waiting on you

Wake up...


	7. You'd better take that

**Author's note:** Ok! Here's the last chapter!

I DO NOT OWN neither The X-Files, or "Hurt" song, originally from Nine Inch Nails but beautifully performed by Mr. Johnny Cash, neither "You" from the Pretty Reckless.

Read and review, please?

Tks! : )

* * *

She suddenly opened her eyes.

It was just like waking up from her previous nightmares or hallucination, except this time it was real. It felt real.

She blinked twice, trying hard to understand where she was.

She assumed that it was early morning since she was able to feel the first rays of sunshine coming through her window, which was something quite uncomfortable for eyes used to the darkness.

The only sound that she could hear was her heart beat coming from the heart monitor. She recognized that eletronic sound. It went slightly heavy, but at least it was still beating.

She realized that she was in a hospital bed. She turned to face her left side and also noticed that she was receiving some blood.

Unfortunately, everything went clear. She was able to remember each detail of what happened the night before. Memory is something surprisingly ironic.

_"I hurt myself today_

_To see if I still feel_

She gently caressed her stomach, in the injured area, making an effort to feel anything, even pain, the only thing that would assure her that everything was actually real. Though she was numb, she couldn't feel nothing at all, and that absence of feeling was familiar. She was obviously severely sedated.

_I focus on the pain_

_The only thing that's real_

_The needle tears a whole _

_The old familiar sting_

_Try to kill it all away_

_But I remember, everything_

Sadness invaded her being.

Despite the numbness, she was able to feel something heavy above her right hand.

She slowly turned her head to face it.

There he was, Mulder, holding her right hand and sleeping above it. Even though it was a heartbreaking scene, she felt safe, protected by him, and loved.

She started to move her hand and he woke up. He lifted his head, looking sleepy and confused.

_What have I become_

_My sweetest friend"_

"Scully! Sorry! I fell asleep. Are you feeling ok?" He sounded extremely worried.

He was a complete mess, a beautiful mess indeed. She noticed that he was still wearing his T-shirt from the previous night, almost full filled with blood, her blood. His eyes were reddish and a little bit swollen , which indicated that he had probably cried. His hair was messy too.

_"And you could have it all_

_My empire of dirt_

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt"_

"I'm..I'm ok". It's was hard to speak, not due to her sedated condition, but seeing him like that and remembering the latest events, was something truly painful and somehow, regretful. How can you regret something that you weren't even aware of doing?

"Is there anything hurting?". He said looking deeply into her blue eyes, while gently caressing her right cheek.

"No, not at all. I feel groggy."

"Yeah, the doctors sedated you".

He stood there, just starring curiously at her. There were moments, many moments actually, where even not saying nothing at all to each other, just their glances exchange was full of meaning. More than words could possible tell.

"Well, I should probably get the nurse here. She warned me to let her know as soon as you woke up". He finally broke the noisy silence. One of his virtues.

"No! Wait a second". She tried to stop him, searching for his hand.

He obeyed.

"I'm terribly sorry about everything. You saved my life, once again. I'm grateful to you, forever". She hadn't finished yet. He kept paying attention to her words, patiently.

She had a point. She had to admit it, if it wasn't him to rescue her from herself, she would probably be six feet under in that very moment, inside a coffin, just like in her nightmare.

"But you must know that it wasn't my intention to do this to myself, never. As much as I wanted to escape a little bit from my sickness, from the X-Files, and even from you, I would never do something like this. I...I just don't know what happened, I had those awful nightmares and something like an hallucination. It happened so fast, I fainted". She stopped, her eyes were filled with tears.

_"If I could start again_

_A million miles away_

_I would keep myself_

_I would find a way"_

His heart froze. That unbearable pressure again.

"I..I'm not crazy. You have to believe me". Two lonely tears streamed down her face. He tried to stop them, by wiping them away from her face.

"Shhh. I'm more than sure that you're not crazy. Don't be sorry, I'm the one who is sorry. I shouldn't have acted that way with you, saying those nasty words. I said those things for selfish motives. I'm still not entirely sure about it, but somehow, it bothered me to know that you went out on a date, and excuse my following words, that you had slept with him". He was trying to be excessively careful with his words, but at the same time, making an effort to be honest to her and to his own feelings.

"I...I didn't sleep with him. I thought you should know about it". She said immediately.

"Ow". He was speachless, surprised, but above all things, relieved. He gave a small smile to her.

"You know, I kept this incident for ourselves. I didn't phone Skinner or your mother. I thought it would be better to wait you wake up and talk to you first. I can still keep this secret and take it to my grave". He wanted desperately to regain her trust.

"Yeah, let's keep things like this. I'm gonna take it to my grave too, not soon enough, I hope". Even though it was a comforting and revealing moment, she couldn't helt but remembering of her recently sickness.

His eyes darkened. She regreted her words.

"I don't know what the future holds, but I do promise you that I'm gonna do the possible and even the impossible to get the cure for you. But you have to trust me on this, and promise me that you're going to be strong, as I know you are. It's never too late, Scully. Believe that, ok?". Somehow, just his words and promisses made her feel already healed.

She nodded.

"Thank you, Mulder, once again. Honestly, you're the best thing that ever happened to me". She gave him a smile.

He got up from the chair and leaned down to kiss her cheek, which happened to be extremely close to her mouth.

"I love you". He said whispering to her right ear.

Now she was frozen and speachless. Probably that innocent "I love you" meant much more now, more than they were ready to admit to each other. She prefered to remain in silence.

He moved quickly and turned to walk towards the door. "I'll get you the nurse, ok?"

"Ok. I won't go anywhere". She said joking a little bit, trying to break the seriousness of the moment.

He laughed and turned to say another thing before leaving.

"You totally rock my world, Scully! Plus...if you'll ever want to show me your tattoo again, I'll be honored". That was his trademark, to say something really caring, oddly romantic and then just ruin everything with any inappropriate comment. But she had to admit that she liked it.

She laughed too. As soon as he left her room, she said to yourself: "I love you too".

_"And I want you in my life_

_And I need you in my life" (You - The Pretty Reckless)_

- THE END -


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